Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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