I feel like abortions should bother me more
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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