You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize