we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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