dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
