i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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