Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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