just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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