What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My dick has a subreddit
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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