I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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