you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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