her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
