i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
