wakey wakey hands off snakey
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
