but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
