I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
