I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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