You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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