I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And my parents said I crawled through the house
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
