you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize