I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
