Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
