well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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