So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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