Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
