He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
