all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My life is pants optional.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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