just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
