Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
