Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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