How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Your tits are I can't wait for
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
