ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
