im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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