she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
