An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
