I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just cropdusted the office
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
