oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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