Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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