Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
