So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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