didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
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I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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