Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
