Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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