hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
