He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
