I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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