Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My ass is underappreciated
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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