Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They took my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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