I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
