so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
