I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize