One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
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I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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