So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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