why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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