i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
