I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
