umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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