i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
