From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
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I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
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Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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