So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
