don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
