I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
