Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
