Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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