I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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