You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
