She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
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