I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
