it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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