I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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