Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
