My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
