I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
